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the master of portballintrea page 2

The "store room" was the gym-store. It was a small place with only one little window, and it smelt of rubber rings, balls, plastic hoops and wooden bats. Behind boxes of rubber mats and cricket stumps, we found...a few bottles of Bushmills Whisky.

'Who's the caretaker around here?' I asked, 'Ray Miland?' I thought of asking Ace whereabouts it was in England that she came from, because I had-nay seen that episode. ( I have-nay seen a lot of it since either! ). She was looking through a big box of stuff.

'Listen Profess...I mean Teddy,' she began, ‘we couldn't tie up some of those creepy-crawlies with a skipping rope, or hit him in the face with a rounder’s bat! I wish I had some of my nitro-nine!'

Just then, the lock on the gym-store door exploded and the door swung open...

~~~

'Yes he is, you toe-rag! So leave him alone!' said Ace pushing him against the window. He grabbed her wrists and seemed to stare right down into her mind. As if by some unheard, unspoken command, a Zarbi came into the room and took us both away. I asked the Master what he was going to do with us.

'My dear children,' he chuckled heartily, 'you will be held in the store room until the Doctor turns up for you. If he does not, then you will join the rest of the workers.'

~~~



( Note: When designing the galaxy-blaster, the seventh Doctor had foreseen a situation in which he would become incapacitated. He thus incorporated an emergency function which, when operated, would return him to that mysterious area of the Matrix which is "The Mind Of Doctor Who". In human terms, this weird essence might be likened to the 'gere'. Herein, the Doctor is able to search for help throughout his past and future, from every physical expression of his essential nature.

The call is first answered by the third Doctor, who heads straight for Disneyland from UNIT H.Q. In a confrontation with his old enemy at the BallyScallion school house, the Doctor learns that, after escaping the dying planet Minter in a Tardis disguised as a Dalek, the Master arrived in Disneyland's past where he found a Zarbi space-ship and underground colony. He then used a time loop to transfer the colony to the same location in the present day. He is now using dulse as the root system of the fungus beds in the Queen Zarbi's nest.

The Master then studies the behaviours of the Queen and discovers a pheromone, or special chemical which influences the behaviour of the other Zarbi. The structure of this he converts into a radio signal which, when broadcast around the world, will genetically mutate Earth's insect life into species similar to the Zarbi. A mighty army - and he, its Master!

Fortunately, Dr. Who manages to overpower him and leaves him tied up in his study. he then manages to free Teddy and Ace using the sonic screwdriver. We now rejoin Bootlace's account - I. McP. )

~~~

Standing in the doorway was a tall, middle-aged dilettante bloke in a frilly shirt, velvet jacket and a cloak. I recognised the Doctor at once.

'What did you do to the Master?' I asked, 'Did you use the old Martian hung-fu?'

'Venusian akaido actually, old chap,' he corrected me, and helped Ace to her feet.

When we reached the study, we found that the Master had escaped. Besides the pieces of torn curtain with which he had been tied we found a note. It read:

"Dear Doctor,
I have to leave you, but do tune-in to my broadcasting debut!
Yours sincerely, 
The Master"

The Doctor wondered where the Master would broadcast from. The ariel would have to be very large and unexpected! That rules out the mast I use to broadcast these true detective stories from ( in my back garden in Drumchapel - don't tell anyone! ). The Doctor then set about dehypnotising the BallyScallions, and reversing the time-loop so that  the Zarbi colony would return to history - and us along with it. It was the job of me and Ace to send the Zarbi back to Vortis. 

'Won't we need your help?' asked Ace.

'Oh, I should think there'll be someone waiting for you,' said the Doctor. 'Someone I know very well, in fact.' Then he left in the Tardis to follow the Master.

~~~

B) Extract from a letter to Crime-fiction writer Miss Agatha Marbles, from the famous Belgium sleuth Henri Potpourri:

                                Brussels,
                                sept., '88
Dear Mme. Marbles,

...and you will be interested to know, that while visiting the Hebrides, I managed to spy swimming in the cold sea-waters of the 'little grey seals' !

You will recall from my postcard that I saw Fingal's Cave, on the Isle of Staffa which so inspired the composer Felix Bartholdi Mendelssohn on his visit there in 1829. The cave is full of strange six-sided pillars of rock which rise from La mer! You may know...Mademoiselle, that the cave takes its name from 'Finn Gal', who is also known as 'Finn MacCool' - a legendary 'giant'! A similar rock-formation is to be found at the 'Giant's Causeway' on the northern coast of Disneyland.

I visited Disneyland après my trip to Scotland. The highlight of my stay in Disneyland was to travel on an old steam train called 'The Portrush Flyer' from Portrush near Portballintrae on the coast, to Ballymena, which is the capital. However, in my compartment on the train was an Eastern looking gentleman with greying beard and the dark, dark eyes. When I ask him not to smoke his cigar, he asked me if I was French, and told me he was on his way to Paris!

'Non, non monsieur,' I told him, 'Belgique! Belgique!' He then expressed his hatred for people of all countries of the world and announced that he was not, in fact, a member of the human-race! O la la! My dear Mme. Marbles! You cannot even travel on an old steam-train without meeting the bad company!...

~~~

C) Extract from the files of Inspector Jean D'Arme of the Surette. September 1988:

The entire affair began when le Commissioner called me to his office at le Surette. I was given my orders. A Brigadier from Angleterre was coming to Paris to meet with his French counterpart in the UNIT. Having a moustache similar to his, I was so impersonate him so as to out-fox any mad assassins.

On my way, en pied, from my apartment to my costume supplier, Monsieur C. Kret, I passed beneath the Tour Eiffel, where I had been in my last disguise as a seller falafel. I did not like that assignment. I hate pita sellers!

Suddenly, beneath the west-leg of the tour I spied one of those rascally buskers with the guitars! He was about forty-six years of age, and had long grey hair and side-burns and wore a green woolen hat. When I approached him, he told me that he was an American and that his name was Ned Smith.

'Do you 'ave a 'leesance' to sing here, you  'minkee' ?' I said.

Then, as if from nowhere, one of those quaint, round public-conveniences that we have in François appeared before my very eyes and ears, making a very peculiar noise, I can tell you! From behind the convenience appeared a suspicious looking man with a small pointed beard. He was carrying a length of electric-cable which he began to attach to the west leg of the Tour Eiffel!

Sacre-Pink! Suddenly, there was another noise and a big blue box appeared there also. Out of this came a white haired man in a long cloak. The two men began to fight. Then the Yankee busker hit the man with the beard over the head with his guitar...

~~~

( Note: having escaped on the Portrush Flyer to the safety of his Tardis in Ballymena, the Master plans to transmit the pheromone signal using the Eiffel Tower as an ariel. The Doctor manages to stop the villain with the help of Ned Smith whom he had met in an adventure with the Cybermen in the 1960's*. The Doctor then takes the Master and his Tardis and dumps them in a dimension of cosmic waste! - I.McP. )

A) Bootlace Investigates - The Missing Dulse ( continued )

He stood on the cliff top, Ace, the first Dr. Who, and myself - watching the Zarbi flying above us, leaving the colony in BallyScallion and returning to their space-ship. We looked with awe and fear, as the huge, perpetually pregnant Queen soared over us, supported by the drones. However, that sight was nothing compared to that of their space-ship; a fantastically huge thing of thousands and thousands of long pillars moving up and down in some seemingly organic rhythm. It was very hot as well, glowingly fiercely red and making the sea bubble and turn to a steamy mist beneath it. The entire structure must have stretched for miles.

'Why are they willingly returning to their ship?' asked Ace.

'They've been recalled,' said the Doctor, 'Confused by the Master's time-loop, no doubt.'

'So this Animus scum-bag is up there in the ship?' she said, 'It was the Animus that recalled them?'

'Oh yes, undoubtedly' said the Doctor, his eyes flitting about. He walked a little way away from us, with an index finger to his lips, seemingly muttering to himself. I couldn't make it out.

'Doctor,' I said, 'Why wasn't the Animus with them in the colony?'

'Mmm?' he mmm-ed, 'Oh my dear boy! Why the temperature wasn't right. No, not at all.'

'You mean it's not warm enough,' said Ace.

'Precisely, my dear child,' said Dr. Who, 'Besides, it's too cold.'

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